


Episode IX: The Rise of Reylo

by CocoElizabella



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Dream Smut, Heavy Angst, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Kylo Ren Redemption, Kylo Ren is BAMF, RIP Leia, Rey does not, Reylo - Freeform, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, The force ships them, kylo ren has a lot of issues to work through
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2020-01-12 06:17:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18440750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CocoElizabella/pseuds/CocoElizabella
Summary: The FIRST ORDER is in a state of insurgency after General Hux reveals that Kylo Ren is responsible for the death of Supreme Leader Snoke. By exposing Kylo Ren’s betrayal, Armitage Hux is declared Emperor and orders Kylo Ren to be executed.  The mutinous uprising pits the entirety of the First Order against the duplicitous Ren. Fatally wounded in the battle, Kylo Ren escapes in a stolen TIE Interceptor and speeds through hyperspace to meet his final resting place…





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First time fanfic author! Definitely not a writer- just a fan who can't wait for the star-crossed lovers to return in December so I made my own EpIX to pass the time.  
> Updated Title and changed Supreme Leader to Emperor because of TROS

A long time ago in a galaxy far,  
far away…

Star Wars

Episode IX

The Rise of Reylo

The FIRST ORDER is in a state of insurgency  
after General Hux reveals that Kylo Ren is  
responsible for the death of Supreme Leader  
Snoke. By exposing Kylo Ren’s betrayal,  
Armitage Hux is declared Emperor and  
orders Kylo Ren to be executed.  
The mutinous uprising pits the entirety of  
the First Order against the duplicitous Ren.  
Fatally wounded in the battle, Kylo Ren  
escapes in a stolen TIE Interceptor and  
speeds through hyperspace to meet his  
final resting place…

Chapter 1: 

 

The master of the Knights of Ren (and recently overthrown Supreme Leader of the First Order), Kylo Ren, does not usually dwell on the past. Rather, Kylo prides himself to be a man wholly fixated on self-actualization by letting the past die or even killing it if needs be. However, seeing as how _he_ is soon to die, Kylo finds himself scrutinizing every single godsdamn moment of his godsawful life.

 

Kylo recognizes that he should be dead already.  In the back of his mind, he presumes he has survived this long due to the adrenaline still coursing through his veins, remnants of using the dark side of the Force during the mutiny. The effects of the rushing adrenaline numb him slightly to the mind-shattering pain he is currently feeling. Yet it does not alleviate the anguish that he feels in his psyche as he ruminates upon his wretched past.

 

Much to his sheer annoyance, Kylo ‘kill the past if you have to’ Ren realizes he is going to spend the remaining moments of his waning consciousness desperately trying to identify the single event in his 30 odd years of life where everything went wrong.

 

Kylo Ren’s first thoughts were to the battle at Crait, only two weeks prior. The Resistance was cornered and, he, the newly decreed Supreme Leader of the First Order, was going to be the one to deliver the terminal blow to the rebel scum.

 

Kylo Ren had dedicated his body and soul to the dark side and everything he had strived for had culminated to this very moment in which he had First Order victory within his grasp.

 

 _The Resistance is dead. The war is over._ The threats Kylo hissed at that bastard Skywalker still echoed in his ears, and Kylo begins to shudder as he remembers that those words were immediately thrown back at him as he was humiliatingly outwitted by that loathsome hypocrite.

 

When the Force apparition of his blasted uncle faded from the battle field, Kylo was left with the entirety of the First Order command as witnesses to his tactical blunder.

 

Damn you! Damn you! Damn you! Kylo swears in his head as his eyes blaze in pure and unadulterated hatred at the thought of his former teacher.

 

Falling for his vile uncle’s deception had been a terrible blow to Kylo Ren.

 

 _See ya around, kid_.

 

His duplicitous Uncle’s last words before disappearing, had left Kylo standing there alone, stupidly looking out across the barren landscape of Crait. Kylo could still taste the gritty particles of salt in his mouth and feel them stinging his eyes as the reality of the impossible dawned upon him: Skywalker, using the Force, had traversed space time, just to taunt him, expose his weaknesses, humiliate him, defeat him; all the while allowing the Resistance to escape.

 

It was a complete and utter failure for the First Order, and in the days after, Kylo’s mind replayed a continuous loop of the ill-fated standoff, reliving every godsdamn moment in all its salty aftertaste.

 

Kylo swears again under his breath as he mortifyingly recalls his next words, so inarticulately spit out as a response to the entirely unrepentant apology from that despicable Skywalker,

 

_“I’m sure you are!”_

 

Kylo’s own petulant retort rings in his head. Years, he thought to himself. I spent fucking _years_ scouring the galaxy to find him- and kill that degenerate- and finally exact my revenge -and *that* is what I said!?

 

Kylo is still in such disbelief that he fell for that entire farce of a battle and realizes if he could currently smack himself upside the head (without inflicting upon himself even more excruciating pain) he probably would.

 

_“I failed you, Ben”_

 

The words of that scoundrel echo in Kylo’s head and Kylo’s thoughts quiet at this memory until he finally concedes, yes, yes you did.

 

No longer trying to ignore the bleakness of his situation, Kylo begins to wallow in self-pity as he can no longer deny to himself, that he had not only been failed by that plague Skywalker, but also by his parents…the First Order… Snoke…but most of all by his own damn self.

 

Yes, he thinks, my failure to recognize that imposter Skywalker’s ruse allowed the Resistance to escape. My own hubris, he concludes, is what compelled me to face that bastard alone. Kylo’s rage seethes inside of him as the torment of his mind reaches a fever pitch.

 

I had dedicated my body and my soul to the dark side, he angrily thinks. I had spent years formulating my revenge and it was ALL FOR NOTHING! The dark side still reeling in his veins burns white hot, but only for a moment, as the angry thoughts quickly turn to regrets.

 

Kylo remorsefully admits to himself, I did _not_ fulfill my destiny. He repeats this over and over to himself, and the rage subsides and the torment in his mind begins to relent as overwhelming shame fills him instead. The bitterness turns to melancholy and it consumes every part of him, body and soul, until all he knows is pain and sorrow. 

 

My only destiny *now* is a gruesome death, Kylo sardonically remarks to himself. However, as his mind takes hold of the dark reality of his situation, his entire body buckles under the intensity of his wounds, and he doubles over himself under waves of scorching pain.

 

 _I’m being torn apart…I want to be free of this pain_.

 

Words he had spoken before are even more real to him now. They echo in his mind, making him relive the sins of his past, and bring alive the ghosts that always to seem to eerily hover in the back of his subconscious. His nearly lifeless body and haunted mind, plunge into a terrifying downward spiral or regret and remorse. 

 

Despite the pain, Kylo almost numbly stares off into space- literally- as he looks through the front window of the cockpit. His eyes become unfocused and he finds himself dizzily entranced by the streams of light hurtling past as he speeds through hyperspace.

 

I was _outwitted, disgraced, humiliated_ , insults hurling inside of his head as his melancholy deepens. 

 

Kylo shamefully lowers his head, turning his eyes away from the whizzing lights of spacetime to look down upon himself, he examines his broken body. He knows his wounds are fatal, and that each passing moment brings him closer to his death. His eyes narrow upon the realization that, even though the defeat on Crait was, perhaps, the last nail in his coffin with the First Order leadership, it had all gone wrong long before.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo is still dying in hyperspace and flashbacks of the mutiny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated my title because of TROS!

Kylo’s ruminations and melancholy are sharply interrupted when his entire body begins to violently convulse. Kylo can no longer deny the panic rising within him when he realizes that he no longer has any control of his body. He thrashes uncontrollably side to side with each spasm, until he starts coughing and retching bright red blood upon himself. The panic gives in to pure, abject terror as he begins to choke on the bile and blood that is reaching high up into his throat.

 

However, just as quickly as it had started, the fits and spasms cease and Kylo is once again left to his solitude, completely alone in the intergalactic void of hyperspace.  Kylo slowly brings his left, black leather-gloved hand to wipe away the rest of the blood that is still dribbling down his chin. Disgusted, he turns his head and spits out the metallic taste that is lingering in his mouth onto the cockpit floor and he sees that most of the blood he had coughed up had splattered across the front of his onyx-colored embroidered tunic.

 

Or at least what was left of it, as Kylo is dismayed to see that his once proud uniform, the regalia of the Supreme Leader of the First Order, is completely soiled, and its remains lay upon him burnt, ripped and tattered.

 

Kylo swears underneath his breath, and as aghast that he is about his appearance, he can no longer ignore the rancid smell of his burned flesh. The overwhelming stench is almost enough to make him sick, but he knows he cannot start retching again so he tries to suppress his nauseated feelings by muttering under his breath, _“I am Kylo Ren. Master of the Knights of Ren. The rightful Supreme Leader of the First Order.”_

 

He feels the nausea lifting and takes a deep breath and continues on with his stream of consciousness pep talk uttering his mantra a bit more loudly and forcefully, “ _I have my grandfather’s blood flowing through me. I, alone, am the only Master of the dark side of the Force.”_

Kylo breathes deeply again and closes his eyes and conjures up an image of his former self and what he envisions is a very tall, strong, muscular and imposing figure of a man, with thick, black hair flowing freely around a long, angular face that is fitted with wide, dark eyes, a prominent nose and a full mouth.

 

He pictures himself, standing tall in a crisp, black uniform, while striking an impressive combat pose, a man of galactic importance, Supreme Leader of all the celestial galaxies, strong, powerful and lethal. Focusing on the images in his head, Kylo feels his strength returning to him and the manifestations in his head begin to evoke a kind of intoxicated high within him. His eyes remain closed and almost dreamy as he fixates on the images swirling around in his mind into a near state of delirium.

 

Kylo begins to shout out loud to the Kylo in his head as if agreeing with himself, “ _Exactly_ , _exactly!_ ”

 

Kylo continues on in his dream-like trance declaring, “ _A thousand generations live in me. I command their power to control the dark side.  I am the heir of Darth Vader’s lineage. I am the most powerful man in the galaxy!”_

 

Kylo’s eyes snap open at this affirmation, and bringing his right fist in the air he goes to stand up in a posture of self-triumph, but before he can reach his full height he stumbles clumsily back down in the cockpit seat, not even being able to carry his own weight.

 

The strange euphoric feelings that Kylo had been experiencing are gone and his eyes narrow and his mouth closes grimly. Much to his chagrin, Kylo Ren realizes that the only thing that he has now that would resemble his grandfather, Darth Vader, is grotesquely charred flesh.

 

Looking down and around his body, Kylo sees that his wounds appear to be festering and rotting, and are still smoking from the blaster hits. All aimed at me by _my own_ godsdamn Stormtroopers, Kylo thinks angrily to himself.

                          

                           ***************************

 

Two weeks since his unforeseen rise to power, Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order, was peripherally aware of the unrest that surrounded his leadership. He knew he had been increasingly absent in his duties and that his already mercurial and erratic moods were even more extreme since the Battle of Crait. However, the Supreme Leader was caught completely off guard by the mutiny and found himself ambushed by _his_ own men in the main hangar of _his_ own flagship.

 

Kylo stood tall, looking unaffected by the unfavorable turn of events, resplendent in his billowing cape, with his back straight and his head held high, only crossing his arms in defiance. The tension Kylo felt was only shown through the tautness of his mouth, and his eyes appear solidly black with his pupils fully dilating, glaring forward, almost challenging the insurgents to make a move.

 

As impassive as he sought to look, inwardly Kylo was puzzled as to how this stalemate would play out, as he could tell that the mutiny was being led by General Hux, and that Hux was flanked on either side by the highest ranking First Order leadership. 

 

Before Kylo could call them out, the Stormtroopers took an offensive position and surrounded him, while Hux and the rest of the officers made a hasty retreat to the observation deck above.

 

Fucking cowards, Kylo thought to himself as he stood there nonplussed, still trying to piece together on how it had become Kylo Ren versus the whole of the First Order. The hangar was nearly silent, as not one person moved a single muscle during the standoff, until the comm system boomed through the long corridor of the Dreadnaught with the echoes of Hux’s nasally tone.

 

_“Kylo Ren. You have been charged with the murder of our most esteemed Supreme Leader Snoke. Your heinous treachery has undermined the honor of the First Order and your tenure as Supreme Leader is an abomination and is a poisonous stain on our illustrious regime.”_

 

Kylo could hear Hux’s annoying sneer and thought to himself that he would give almost anything to crush the smugness off the face of that cur.

 

After pausing for dramatic effect, Hux begins to shout through the comm while over enunciating every word, “ _I._ _Emperor._ _Armitage. Hux. Will. Restore. The. First. Order. To. Its. Glory. And. Reestablish. First. Order. Dominance. In. The. Galaxy_!”

 

Kylo is completely gobsmacked and drops his arms to his side and stares stupidly up at the observation deck in complete disbelief. Hux has declared himself Emperor?! Kylo Ren’s mind cannot comprehend this, and he almost laughs at its absurdity. However, Kylo finds himself alone in his thoughts as the Stormtroopers raise their blasters and begin cheering upon Hux’s proclamation.

 

Hux waits for the cheering to subside and then continues shouting through the system with his nasally voice reaching even higher octaves: “ **I declare you, _Kylo Ren,_ a traitor to the First Order.  Henceforth, I, Emperor Armitage Hux order your immediate EXECUTION!”** 

 

Kylo Ren looks around, and finds not one member of the First Order is standing up for him during this sham of a trial and even more inconceivable is that the entirety of the First Order begins to bow down in reverence to ‘Emperor’ Hux and exult his name.

 

Despite being ambushed, surrounded, mutinied against, and facing an execution squad, Kylo Ren begins to smirk. Without hesitation, Kylo draws his lightsaber, it hums in a blaze of red light, as the crossguard crackles and appears to spit out hellfire, and immediately slashes through the nearest foot soldier who crumples over sliced in half.

 

Thus, the battle begins and Kylo becomes an unleashed, feral animal, wild, twisting and hurdling around his foes, slashing and gutting them without mercy, while Force blasting others, because he was _Master_ of the Knights of Ren,  _the_ rightful Supreme Leader, Kylo _fucking_ Ren, he thinks to himself, avowing himself to not be so easily thwarted.

 

His raw and powerful attacks are relentless and unyielding, and Kylo skillfully kills those seeking to oppose him, and the ill-prepared insurgents quickly discover exactly what extreme violence a dark-sider can unfurl.

 

With a guttural yell, Kylo again feels the dark side of the Force emanating deep within his core, culminating as he releases unparalleled power through his limbs with every strike of his saber and every outburst of the Force from his palm, wreaking deadly havoc upon his enemies.

 

Falling deeper within the thrill of the battle, Kylo’s eyes almost glow eerily crimson as his entire being is consumed with the dark side and the bloodthirst rage he feels fuels his vengeance against those who dared rebel against him. Maniacally he growls and with each slash and lunge of his lightsaber, Kylo cruelly relishes in the gore and the mayhem but almost suddenly finds himself to be the lone man standing amongst a battlefield of corpses.

 

Looking out, Kylo sees that the remaining Stormtroopers have retreated from their frontal assault and are seeking a defensive formation. Without warning, the Stormtroopers take aim and project a relentless barrage of blaster shots.  Kylo feels the blasters overtake him, bringing along the deadly realization that there is no humanly possible way that even he, the rightful Supreme Leader and Master of the Knights of Ren, could be fast enough to deflect hundreds upon hundreds of blaster shots. Kylo screams in agony from the sheer number of blasters that have already hit him, but the pain only fuels the anger within him and the dark side roars to a fever pitch throughout his body.

 

In a fraction of a second, Kylo sheathes his lightsaber and reaches both of his arms up towards the ceiling while turning all the dark energy that was coursing through his body upward. Releasing an almost inhuman battle cry, Kylo Ren clenches his fists still high in the air, then using all the strength that remains in his body he swings down both of his arms with a mighty flourish, using the Force to implode the roof of the observation deck, raining destruction down upon them all.

 

                          

                           ***************************


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo is still dying in hyperspace and more flashbacks to the mutiny and flashbacks to the massacre at the Jedi temple

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have not given up- it has just taken me months to write this chapter. There is one more chapter in hyperspace and then the metaphorical death of Kylo so bear with me as the plot with move forward hopefully soon. My hope is to finish this before TROS but since I haven't written anything creatively before I am writing slow and editing even more slowly. Reading fanfiction is fun, writing is also fun but hard (for me at least) so I want to send extra kudos out to you authors who can write a chapter in a week- you amaze me!

Chapter 3:

Kylo’s soot-covered face is still blackened from the fiery explosions in the Dreadnought hangar. He contorts into a grimace as shooting pains rock his entire body- aftershocks from the lightning he had summoned.

Trying to find a more comfortable position, he slouches down into the cockpit seat- as much as his (probably) broken back and (undoubtedly) cracked ribs would allow. His too tall and lumbering frame already does not fit well in the small cockpit chair and this new position does not remedy any of his discomfort.

Through his anguish, remnants of the dark side begin to flicker. The dark side beckons him from afar and tempts him with the godlike powers it bestows. However, there is not any fire left to stoke. Only pain and suffering remain in the once mighty warrior.

***************************

The split-second after releasing the Force, Kylo drops down into a crouched position, with his arms held tightly against his chest. He finds himself locked down and immobile as he could not help but absorb some of its power. He begins to scream as the dark side surges within him and electrocutes him from the inside.

Kylo closes his eyes and desperately tries to refocus the electric energy that is coursing within him out to his extremities.  Feeling the shocks of the electricity burning at his fingertips, he slowly unlocks his arms from his chest. His muscles shake from the exertion and his mouth opens and closes with hurried deep breaths.  He extends both arms forward with his palms facing outward, and blacked gloved fingertips become fully extended. Bolts of lightning are expelled out in bright, fluorescent jagged streaks, lighting up the hangar in an electric blue firestorm.

The strong electromagnetic currents traps and lifts whole squadrons up of stormtroopers. Electrocuted high in the air, they writhe and convulse until their lifeless bodies are tossed aside. Hundreds of soldiers become stacked high in piles with their shiny, white uniforms melting under the heat of the blue conflagration.

The dark side surges within him and is fueled from his wrath. Kylo opens his eyes and his pupils are fully dilated making his irises opaquely black. The betrayal of the First Order incites his vengeance. The power of the dark side burns inside of him, and he, in turn, burns everything in his wake.

Large fragments of the observation deck overhang hurtle down upon the hangar like metallic missiles. Broken cables sizzle and shoot out sparks. Ear-splitting explosions rock the Dreadnought with intense reverberations. Noxious gases begin to fill the air with a green-tinted fog that envelopes and surrounds Kylo.

No longer crouched over, he rises slowly to his full height and closes both fists just as the Force lightning stops. Kylo unsheathes his lightsaber with a swift flourish. He crosses it down in front of him with a stomp of his right foot, and reignites it in a red, fiery blast.

Pausing in this fierce battle stance, Kylo anticipates that the stormtroopers will begin another wave of blaster attacks. Instead, the few survivors left within the hangar have their backs turned and are fleeing to the nearest exit; taking refuge farther within the passageways of the Dreadnought.

The dark side has consumed him wholly and it is feasting upon his hatred and his anger. His eyes change from black to eerily glowing yellow pupils enveloped by blood red irises.

Kylo Ren, the living incarnate of vengeance, more powerful than the gods, relaxes his stance and flexes his arms up. He raises his lightsaber in triumph and maniacally laughs at the destruction.

His eyes still burn yellow and he extinguishes his lightsaber as if in a trance. Oblivious to the debris falling all around him, he slowly turns, and limps away from the wreckage.

***************************

Kylo is not sure if it was dumb luck that he had been able to avoid most of the large pieces of falling debris under the spell of the dark side. He contemplates that perhaps he *had* ascended to omnipotence through the dark side… until another terrible pain racks his body.

_Fucking hell!_

Not a god.

Still miserably human. It probably does not matter how he survived, because it won’t be long.

His mouth sets in a hard line.

_If only I could have personally killed that bastard Hux._

Holding out his right arm he closes his fingers imitating a Force choke. He imagines how easy it would have been to break that bantha fodders neck. His mouth almost relaxes while he mock chokes the hell out of the air and there is not one iota of remorse in him for killing so many that had crossed him. He fervently hopes that the putrid so-called ‘Emperor’ was amongst the dead.

Resting his arm back down, Kylo skims over the controls of the Interceptor-  _why the hell am I not there yet?_ It was if time is slowing down just to prolong his painful death.

_I probably deserve it._

_No, I_ definitely  _deserve it._

Kylo begins to tear the remains of his shredded tunic to make bandages for his wounds. A futile exercise, but he needs something to occupy the seemingly interminable flight.

His torso had taken the brunt of the damage. Blaster wounds blackened his entire skin with burn holes. His nose flares from the smell of them and considers that his skin is still burning.

Yet not a single vital organ had been hit. What complete ineptitude.

 _Had I still been the Supreme Leader, I would have all the stormtroopers get their blasters checked_. _Every last one of those incompetents would report to mandatory target practice with Phasma._ Quickly adding in his mind, _mutinous bitch._

As commander, Phasma was front and center with the stormtroopers at his execution and should have suffered greatly from his Force lightning attack. Still, Kylo could not escape the sinking suspicion that, somehow, she would emerge miraculously unscathed.

Gnashing his teeth, _that woman has the survival instinct and nine lives of a loth-cat._

Kylo continues to tear his tunic into swaths.

He stops.

His fists clench, grasping the rags tightly while his entire body tenses. Suddenly preoccupied with his thoughts, he carelessly drops the rags. Black pieces of fabric flutter down to floor below him.

His large hands grab each side of his face as it dawns upon him that a Force induced implosion was how he saved himself before from a _different_ assassination attempt. That its similarities escaped him until now seem incredulous, but as much as he tries, he cannot escape the images.

Images of the night that still plague his nightmares.

The night that he spent the remaining years of his life desperately seeking to avenge. Ending in failure at Crait.

 _His_ failure.

Holding his hands tightly around his face, every part of him tries to will away the memories. He tries screaming out loud to stop the images, but no sound comes out. None of the air he breathes in seems to make it to his lungs. The lump in his throat expands until it feels like his entire throat is closed.He wants to think of something- anything else, but the images wash over him and torment him, inflicting more pain than any blaster shot ever could. 

***************************

The boy sleeps alone.

Lying on his side, he feels the heat of a lightsaber burning the back of his neck, as it crackles behind him. The hum echoing inside his room and overpowering to his ears.

Startled, the boy wakes up and turns over, and the only thing he can see is its brightness looming above him. It hurts his eyes and he is blinded by the glowing green luminescence that seems to shine even more brilliantly in contrast to the pitch-blackness of his small, dark room. He is momentarily paralyzed by fear and feels an overwhelming helplessness overcome him as he recognizes that the person who wields it, is the legendary Jedi Master Skywalker.

The savior of the galaxy.

His very own uncle.

Terrified, the boy reaches with the Force to his own weapon to defend himself, just as he is sure that the green lightsaber is being brought down upon him in ruthless, cold-blooded murder.

*

The boy, still holding his lightsaber in his hand, somehow claws his way up through the wreckage. Stumbling away from the destruction, the boy lifts himself up to find that the other apprentices had awakened.

Wide–eyed and frantic, they run to him.

They surround him.

They demand to know where is their master.

The boy cowers away from the mob, shaking and trying his best not to cry. Everyone around him is yelling and screaming, and his head is spinning in confusion, and he is very scared. 

They grab him and shake him until he stumbles back from them, falling clumsily onto the ground. He slowly stands up, and with his body still shaking from shock, he looks over his shoulder. A hush goes across the other apprentices. Their feelings of apprehension are almost palpable as the air fills with the undercurrents of the Force. The boy points back to the rubble and with a whisper, says: “I killed him.”

The darkness of the night suddenly becomes illuminated as one by one, lightsabers ignite around him, colors of green, blue and purple blaze up with a flash. Lifting his arms in front of him, the boy tries to placate the other students. He swings his lightsaber, slicing it back and forth in a panic. The apprentices surrounding him misconstrue his manic waving and they advance upon him. 

The boy’s voice breaks as he pleads, “Stop! Please!” However, they do not stop, so the boy ignites his lightsaber trying to get their attention and yells, “He tried to kill me! HE TRIED TO KILL ME!”

They see the boy yelling with his weapon ablaze but they do not hear his words. In anger, they have momentarily forsaken the Jedi way and seek retribution for the death of their hero, Luke Skywalker.

 *

Only one boy against a mob should not be a fair fight.

Still, the apprentices seem almost hesitant when they attack the boy. They lack deadly intent as their anger is not enough to drown out their light. They still fight by the rules, like the diligent students they have always been.

However, the boy fights without mercy. As a student, he had to restrain himself, holding back his strength to stay in the path of the light. The pull to light is gone and the boy no longer holds back.  After all, he has nothing left to lose.

With each strike of his saber, any light that had remained within him dims. 

With each thrust of his saber, the darkness that always been simmering behind it, consumes.  

He had always been the strongest of all of them and with nothing holding him back he embraces the dark side. He fights with abandon and he becomes stronger than all of them combined. Blinded by the darkness, he no longer sees them as his former companions.

They are his enemies.

They are to be destroyed.

It’s almost as if he can hear a voice in his head urging him on. The voice inside him guides him through the darkness. It’s a voice he’s always known, but for the first time in his life, he begins to listen.

One by one, the apprentices begin to fall.

*

The boy is alone again.

No longer consumed by the dark side, he kneels to the ground and begins to sob. Their bodies are scattered around him. Lifeless faces of his former companions now lie in strangely contorted shapes, with their bodies bloodied, maimed, dead.

He begins to cry in earnest now.

He is a murderer.

He is a killer.

He is a monster.

With tears streaming down his face, the boy finally stands up and begins to light little fires. He burns everything that he lost; everything he destroyed; everything that had kept him in the light.

The temple is all ablaze in a large funeral pyre. No longer crying, the boy stands transfixed by the flames of the inferno. His figure casts a lone black silhouette in front of the fire and he feels a strange warmth from its flames. Solemnly he watches, but remains silent in his eulogy. The flames begin to rise higher and higher, as if they want to touch the stars in the night sky above. The boy turns away and feels only coldness. He leaves behind the light, and heads off alone into the pitch black darkness. 

***************************

The haunting faces of the dead vanish from his mind when lacerations that crisscross up the right of his torso begin to gush blood. No longer paralyzed by that hated memory, Kylo feels his lungs fill with air again as his throat opens up.  Kylo’s mind returns to the present, and he silently chastises himself for being swept away to a worse place than he is already.  Picking up the swaths of fabric from the ground, he wraps himself in the tattered bands attempting to stop the spurting blood.Looking out the cockpit window, he sees the streaking light of hyperspace. This journey is never going to _fucking_ end.

He finishes applying the makeshift bandages, and to his astonishment he finds that it stops the blood loss. At least for now.

It can’t be long.

Kylo closes his eyes, and then opens them slowly. _Not yet_. He silently vows to keep holding on; even if it’s only for another second.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo is STILL dying in hyperspace, and flashbacks to the throne room on the Supremacy. This chapter has a lot of self-loathing, but he has to face his demons before he can be redeemed!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last hyperspace chapter- this was originally all going to be in one chapter but it lasted 4 so upped my chapter count to 12. Fun fact: LWABOC is my fave fic, since Diasterisms included some of the Jedi Code in her last chapter, I included the Sith Code here in mine.

Chapter 4: 

A bitterness fills Kylo’s mouth.

Or perhaps he is tasting his own blood.

Disgusted with himself, Kylo spits the pooling blood out of his mouth onto the cockpit floor. Wiping his face clean, he clenches his fist and shakes it high above him at the gall of that grub-weasel Hux. Seething, Kylo’s pride hurts even more than his fatal injuries. Angrily he laments,

 _Granted, Hux *_ was*  _correct that I had killed Supreme Leader Snoke._

*And*  _that I had not been entirely forthcoming about that._

_But, the First Order, my life’s godsdamn work, betrays ME for that moronic ginger-haired pompous ass._

What Kylo wants more than anything now is the ability to reach through the Force to personally strangle Hux.

 _Fucking Hux_ , he sneers.

_What in the kriffing galaxy possessed that insidious coward to believe that he was worthy to become Emperor?!_

Still clenching his fist, Kylo hits down on the control panel of the cockpit and jostles his lightsaber that was lying across the top. The lightsaber begins to precariously slide down. It makes clanking and clinging sounds as the hilt and crossbar hits the gauges and instruments on the panel. Kylo picks it up with his right hand before it falls. He finds that the steel mechanics of the hilt are comforting in his bare hand, as the leather glove which usually covers it is now nothing more than a few ratty swaths around his wrist.

His grip tightens as he closes his eyes to savor the familiar surge of power that comes every time he handles the deadly weapon. He pulls it closer to his body, embracing it, just as his lungs painfully constrict. Kylo gasps for air until he begins coughing up blood while simultaneously choking back bile that is rising in his throat.

For a second, Kylo believes this is his end, but in his lightsaber he finds comfort. Just holding it, somehow alleviates some of his pain and his breathing becomes lighter and lighter until his head dizzies. He holds it up to his forehead and the coldness of the metal blade feels soothing to the heat emanating off his feverish head. Moving the blade along his forehead, Kylo then subconsciously begins to trace the outline of a scar. The jagged imprint on his face that had only just healed, starts just above his right brow, cutting crossways down his cheek and into his neck.

Soon his mindless tracing awakens thoughts to a different lightsaber: the one that had given him this scar and killed Snoke. The lightsaber of legends and legacy. An artifact so priceless, its whereabouts consumed Kylo since laying eyes upon it on Starkiller base. It spurred in him an obsessive desire to reclaim it, as it _belonged_ to him, only to have it destroyed by his own hands.

All that remains is its glowing lustrous core: a precious tiny blue kyber crystal, the luminescent essence that had given life to the lightsaber when it had been placed in it by its previous owner, _Grandfather._

Kylo groans and swear as he maneuvers his body to loosen up his belt. Carefully, he slides a leather utility pouch off of the belt, and inside of it is a datastick and a small box.  He pulls the box out and opens it, and finds the crystal still pristine and unharmed, emitting a soft blue radiance. The light of the kyber crystal calls out to him, bringing thoughts of the throne room, just a short time before the lightsabers destruction.

***************************

Kylo cannot look her in the eyes.

He knows, that whatever he does, in this moment, as her appointed executioner, he cannot look _her_ in the eyes.

Her body is frozen in place by the Force as Kylo slowly walks towards her kneeling form. He bends slightly to pick up his lightsaber off the ground and grips it with his right hand. As he stands up, his large frame towers ominously over her quivering form. He looks straight through her and faces the throne, and with an emotionless voice, vows to his Master a steadfast and truthful promise, “I know what I have to do.”

Still, he will not meet her gaze, though he can tell by the intensity of her breathing, that she is terrified and panicking.

“Ben,” a tiny whisper leaves her lips and her breathy plea almost breaks his concentration.

However, Kylo keeps staring ahead unblinking and unwavering, while his Master continues to goad him on, “I see his mind, I see his every intent.”

What Kylo chooses not to see is his grandfather’s blade positioned next to the throne. He keeps his mind clear and focused, knowing that any slight movement, feeling or aberration in the Force would give him away.

Yes, he knows what he has to do.

He knows what he _needs_ to do.

To fulfill his destiny.

Her heart is beating erratically. Her terror and distress is emanating through the Force and overwhelming him. He can feel her willing him to help her, but he conveys out that she cannot turn him.

Sweat starts to pool on the back of his neck.

Don’t. Look.

Kylo opens his mind fully so that his Master can see his resolve. The Supreme Leader relays Kylo’s thoughts out loud in triumphant commentary, “Yes!” Snoke closes his eyes basking in Kylo’s thoughts, “I see him turning the lightsaber...”

Kylo channels his every movement save one: that he is turning his left wrist along with his right. In this moment, Kylo finally looks down at her small form. He looks straight into her frightened eyes and his gaze is unyielding.  

Snoke’s eyes open, excited to see the swift red light of the lightsaber come down in an executioner’s strike.

However, red plasma is not lit.

Instead, with a slight flick of his left fingers, Kylo ignites his grandfather’s blade. With a flash of blue, his master is run through.

Just as Snoke had predicted, Kylo kills his true enemy.

***************************

_I killed Snoke._

_I_ fucking  _did it_. 

For a second, Kylo muses that is what brought upon his downfall, but then quickly shakes his head.

 _Godsdamn it! Killing Snoke was the only time in my godsdamn life I was fulfilling my destiny_.

Kylo finds the warmth of the kyber crystal soothing in his hand. He brings it up to his eyes and becomes entranced by its soft blue glow. It seems to reaffirm his actions. He begins to feel something. Kylo is not sure exactly what it is, but somehow less desolate. Looking at the tiny gem, he wonders how something so fragile and precious had survived even when the entire outside body of lightsaber had been destroyed…

***************************

Kylo Ren is unconscious and lying face down on the throne room floor. Around him small fires are burning and strewn about are the mangled bodies of the Praetorian guard. Snoke, sliced cleanly in half, lies dead, toppled over in front of his throne.

Kylo wakes suddenly by pushing up his torso. He feels as if his body has been alerted to an unknown threat. Slightly disoriented, he lifts his head and finds a dubious looking Hux peering down on him.

Kylo looks out of the viewport, and sees that the _Mega_ -class Star Dreadnought, just like its former master, is also split in two. Kylo’s thoughts swirl in confusion, while his ears still ring from the lightsaber’s explosion, and his body still reels from the exertion of the battle.

_What the hell happened to the Supremacy?!_

Feeling Hux’s eyes narrow upon him, Kylo spits out the first words that come into his mind, “The girl murdered Snoke.”

Kylo jumps to his feet, though not quite as steadily as he would have liked, and walks to the viewport. Trying to regain some semblance of composure, he quickly adds, “What happened?” but only half listens to Hux’s sniveling reply.

Instead, he pushes away thoughts of defiant looking doe-brown eyes and tear-streaked cheeks; he shoves deep down inside of him the cosmically idiotic notion that he was no longer going to be alone; he wills away the sound of his voice breaking upon his foolish supplication,

_Join me…_

Holding his hands together, he will not think about them being untaken, and how bereft they now feel. He willfully ignores any regrets that are teeming within him and pays no heed to the all-encompassing grief of being once again forsaken. He dutifully disregards the overwhelming feelings of rejection that are consuming his entire being.

_She is nothing. She is nothing. She is nothing._

The words cycle in his mind until all that is left is spite and fury that fuel a hate-filled need for retribution. He responds, “Let’s finish this.”

Upon giving Hux a not-so-subtle hint of who is now in charge, the newly self-appointed Supreme Leader is left alone in the throne room, a moment of peace before the oncoming war.

He stands again in front of the viewport, surveying the distant alien planetary landscape. It appears radiant and white, and shines luminous against the backdrop of deep space. It appears as a lone, bright glowing orb in stark contrast to the dark, black cosmic void of nothingness that surrounds it. The view is simultaneously breathtaking and bleak.

One heavy booted step in front of the other, he slowly walks closer to the viewport window. Staring at his reflection, he becomes frozen in his place as he is unnerved by his mirror image.

Looking back at him is a disheveled mess. His lustrous black hair is sweaty, and straggled across his forehead. His long, angular face dirtied and smeared with gods-only-knows-what. The full lips of his mouth are downturned and frowning. Hunched over, his lumbering frame appears much smaller and his arms hang limply to his sides with his large hands tense and fisted.

The Supreme Leader should be a powerful figure, standing strong and proud. He will be the one to bring a new order to the galaxy. However, the man looking back at him is…

_weak_

Kylo cannot look away, and the longer he stares at his reflection, the more it reveals itself. All of the loathing that lay in constant simmer in the dark recesses of his mind rise up in him in self-contemptuous rebuke.

_You are a worthless, filthy piece of junk!_

He screams at his mirror image, which only looks back at him despondently with thirty years of regrets shining in its sad eyes.

_You are nothing!_

Screaming out loud, he raises his arms above his head, and over and over, he smashes his fists and forearms against the windows. He flings his arms and fists above his head pounding them against the clear solid wall until his tantrum gives way to nothing but numbness, emptiness and bitterness.

Kylo leans forward with his arms still above his head, with his palms pressed flat upon the window. He bows his head forward, and places his forehead against the coolness of the transparisteel and closes his eyes. 

 _There is only passion._ His heavy breathing stills and he opens his eyes with renewed purpose.  Feverishly, Kylo sets off to find what’s left of his grandfather’s lightsaber. He paces through the entire throne room floor, back and forth, stepping around small fires and pushing over the dead, all the while meticulously searching for something- anything- that might have survived.

He manically combs through the fiery mayhem until he is sure there is nothing to find. Defeated, Kylo crosses the room back towards the viewport. He leans his back against it, and slowly slides down until he is seated on the ground, with his knees bent and his arms hugging them close.  He bows his head into his knees and a small sob leaves his mouth, and as he mourns the loss of the lightsaber, it feels as if he has lost something much greater.  

Slowly he pulls himself together. Looking up, something shiny catches the corner of his eyes. _Through passion, I gain strength._ Running over as quickly as he can, Kylo is astonished to find the small blue kyber crystal. Initially, he had thought that the breaking of the crystal had caused the explosion. However, upon finding the precious gem intact, he determines that the strength of both of their Force manipulations must have torn the blade apart, counteracted each other and recoiled them back.

He takes the crystal and holding it reverently in his right hand. _Through strength, I gain power._ He brushes himself off, smooths his hair and straightens out his tunic. _Through power, I gain victory._ The Supreme Leader throws his shoulders back, and marches confidently out of the throne room setting off to command over the invasion of Crait, and convinced he will make galactic history by ending the Resistance once and for all.

 ***************************


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo finally makes it out of hyperspace, and is ready to die. It is all angst.  
> Please be aware that I have added the following tags: Suicidal thoughts/attempt  
> Trigger Warning: Kylo Suicidal thoughts/attempt  
> Trigger Warning: Major character death: RIP Leia  
> Trigger Warning: Kylo believes he is going to die and accepts his fate. Explicit talk of death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see my trigger warnings above. This chapter gets very dark so virtual hugs to anyone reading this- if you ever need extra words of encouragement please find me on Twitter @cocoelizabella
> 
> Anyways, I went to a literary event a couple of weeks ago and the author talked about how hard writing is but it comes down to wanting to tell a story. I 100% agree with her. It takes me about 2 months to write a chapter but I have really been enjoying the process of getting the ideas in my head written down. The fact that there is 500 hits on my story blows my mind! I know as far as AO3 analytics go, that's not a lot at all, but I still think it's very cool :) 
> 
> Anyways, I love Star Wars and am counting down the days until TROS. Maybe I will have another chapter out before then!

Just end the Resistance and bring a new order to the galaxy.

Well _, that all went to fuck._

Kylo says a silent goodbye, perhaps forever, to the soft glint of the tiny kyber crystal. Closing the box seems to take all of his waning strength.  His right arm shakes involuntarily as he rests it on his knee next to the hilt of his lightsaber. Searing pains overcome him, but he is too tired to acknowledge them.

Through victory, my chains are broken.

_The only thing broken is my body, mind and godsforsaken soul._

The Force shall free me _._

_Have I have ever been free?_

Kylo’s mind’s eye opens as this question floods him with a lifetime of painful memories.

_Gods-dammit_!

Kylo swears out loud, but his mind will not let it go.

_Why am I still holding on?_

Kylo’s eyes sting and his chest is heavy. Vignettes of his past invade his thoughts, seemingly brought to torture him and make his impending death all the more excruciating.

He envisions a small, pale, awkward boy, with ears that prominently stick out from a mop of unruly raven back hair.  The consummate outsider; an afterthought; an irregular piece that never fit in with the tumultuous galactic love story of his parents. 

The boy is alone in his room. He holds a pillow over his ears, trying to muffle out the sounds of his parent’s fighting. A pointless endeavor because, even without hearing their quarrelling voices, he could still feel all of their angry emotions. 

He falls to the floor of his room and holds his hands to his ears. He rocks back and forth, mumbling soothing words to himself, trying his best to block out the effects of their fighting.  He tries so hard to be good for his mother and brave for his father. Ultimately, the boy becomes overcome by their angry emotions until it consumes him and becomes his own.

The child wrecks his room in a Force-fueled tantrum that he doesn’t even understand.

A goodbye embrace from his mom as she kisses the top of his forehead and smiles at him with tender brown eyes. A quick rustle of his hair by his dad, who affectionately refers to him as ‘kid’. The boy holds back his tears as he watches his parents head out in opposite directions of the cosmos.

Days pass into months. Left alone with only droids as his caretakers, guilt amasses in the boy as he knows that he was the real reason that they left.

The small, troubled boy morphs into a tall, gangly adolescent, whose powers manifest acutely, overwhelming all of his senses. His mood swings are terrible. As much as he wants to, he cannot control himself. The surly teenager sees his mother’s tender look replaced with a furrowed brow and worried eyes. His father no longer calls him ‘kid’ or rustles his hair. He knows how much they fear his power, fear _him_.

_There’s too much Vader in him._

Darth Vader.

That name was never spoken out loud by his parents, nor did they ever outwardly discuss their fears about him, but it didn't matter because he could hear it in their minds anyways.

The visions subside and for all his worth, Kylo knows he cannot let the past die and that his penance is reliving every painful memory until he takes his final breath. Yet, even as it feels as if he is looking straight into the eyes of death, he is certain of one thing: he _never_ hated his parents.

Just himself.

Kylo feels as if he is holding on to the slimmest tether to his sanity. His head becomes very heavy, while his mind becomes a swirling maelstrom of truths. Words from his not so distant past hang over him.

_Your son is gone. He was weak and foolish like his father, so I destroyed him._

Yet deep in his bones, Kylo knows that when the dark side of the Force called to him, it wasn’t because there was too much Vader in him, but in fact he relinquished to it because he was too weak _not_ to answer to it. His weakness was something he could never destroy, as much as he tried.

Hell, all of the times he would reach out through the Force, fervently wanting to connect to Vader, desperate for his Grandfather to give him a sign, or guidance, or anything, just even once.

_Show me again, the power of the darkness… show me, Grandfather, I will finish what you started…_

Every time, Kylo had received nothing in return. Every one of his devotions remained unanswered. 

_Alas, you’re no Vader. You’re just a child in a mask._

Snoke’s taunts thunder in his head and tears of frustration and anger sting the back of his eyes as he realizes the truth in those words.

His black clothes, cape, tunic and helmet, his entire persona, were a tribute to his grandfather, a man he never even met.

How pathetic.

All because he wanted to be in control, to be powerful.

_Is this power?_

_A wretch cast about from the First Order. Dying. Alone._

Is this power?!

_Weak, powerless fool!_

Kylo brings his left hand to his head, raking it through his wild, mussed jet-black hair trying to take a literal hold on his sanity. It is too late, as self-damning thoughts rush over him like tidal wave that he is incapable of stopping.

Vader.  The mask. The dark side. His devotion. Snoke.

NONE OF THAT had made him more powerful.

He was nothing more than a worthless, pathetic, wretched slave.

Kylo begins to dry heave as every sin he had committed in the name of becoming the heir of Darth Vader runs through his mind. Tears stream down his face as, for the first time, he actually feels the catastrophic pain he has caused the galaxy. All of the billions of lives he has ruined in the name of the First Order.  He writhes and thrashes as he finally realizes the full extent of his misdeeds. Guilt and remorse ravage him to his core.

_You’re No Vader?!_

_Who the_ fuck _was Darth Vader anyways?_

_Fuck. You. Snoke._

_Fuck. You. Vader._

_AND FUCK YOU KYLO_ **FUCKING** _REN!_

Kylo screams out in terror until he stops in sudden silence.  His right hand grips onto the hilt of his lightsaber.  With a flick of his fingers, he turns it on as erratic energy sizzles out of its crossbars.  The blade’s plasma stream ignites and casts a shadow of red flames that blanket over him and eerily reflect a glowing redness in his eyes.

Kylo becomes entranced by the intensity of its heat, while he brings the blade to his neck, seeking to end his anguish in the quickest of strokes. His chest heaves, his breathing intensifies, until he finally expels all of the air out of his lungs readying himself to die. It burns his neck, hissing as fire meets flesh, until the whisper of a voice envelopes him, bringing him back from the brink.

Kylo abruptly turns his lightsaber off. It carelessly drops out of his hand, and lands on the floor of the cockpit with a tinny clink. Confused, he wonders what just happened. However, his mind seems to be heading toward a semiconscious state and his body feels too heavy. He finds he cannot even muster up the strength to bend over and pick up the light saber off the ground.

One after another, the coughing fits come. Feeling the full extent of the excruciating pain from his wounds, Kylo hyperventilates until his vision begins to black out.

_Soon._

_I will be free from this pain._

_Free from this miserable existence._

_Free from loneliness._

_Free to die_.

He closes his eyes, welcoming death again. Still, something is stubbornly holding on to him, willing him to keep going forward. That something in his mind implores him to remain conscious, but his body betrays him. Kylo’s eyes become heavier each time the pain that is surging within him intensifies. Blackness overcomes him.

_Use the Force, Ben._

A voice comes from the dark recesses of his subconscious mind. Kylo, suddenly lucid, opens his eyes and uses every bit of strength remaining in his failing body to reach out to the Force. His breathing centers and he blinks several times. Once his eyes come back into focus, he looks down at the controls of the TIE. He almost chokes back a cry of relief to find that his ship is *finally* coming out of hyperspace.

The streaming lights that had been blurring around dissolve into a brilliant globe of blue and green swirls. Kylo, with shaky hands, takes the controls and cruises his ship toward the looming planet, immediately awestruck by its beauty. The planet glows with lush verdant greenspace surrounded by bright aqua oceans.

_Naboo._

Naboo was never part of his original plan. Truth be told, it never occurred to him that the mutiny would be successful.  The worst-case scenario Kylo could have imagined was having to evacuate to deep space. From there, he could command over the First Order remotely, until his followers had rooted out any remaining insurgents.

Yet, here he was, overthrown in the coup, and it was only thanks to dumb luck that he even found a working ship that remained undamaged after his final stand in the hangar. Taking off in the Interceptor, Kylo had felt as if his fingers were possessed, as he programmed in the coordinates to Naboo.  Kylo could only surmise some sort of innate familial connection had led him to journey to his ancestral homeland. After all, it was a beautiful planet and there were worse places to die.

Kylo deftly maneuvers the Interceptor through the atmosphere, locating a remote area, and swiftly lands the ship. Using what little strength remains, he bends over to the floor of the cockpit to pick up his lightsaber with one hand, and the box with his other.  He debarks the ship, though not quite as steadily as he would have liked, swaying back and forth with failing legs. His eyes blink several times adjusting to the brightness of the sunny day. A warm breeze wafts about almost toppling him over, and his senses are overcome with the sweet smell of tiny white and yellow flowers that grow wildly across the grassy knoll.

_This will do._

He kneels gingerly, turns, and lies down with his back to the grass. The tiny wildflowers surround him like a foliage coffin. He lets go of his lightsaber, lying it to his side, and then brings his arms over his torso and crosses his hands, holding the box tightly to his stomach.

Kylo closes his eyes. Breathing shallowly, he tries to reach out to the Force.

_I am one with the Force._

He does not become one with the Force and, in spite of himself, he instead pictures the scavenger. By all accounts, she is just a girl. A nobody. Whose original importance was only due to her chance encounter with a map. Then Snoke invoked a strange and inexplicable anomaly of the Force, bonding the two of them across space and time.

The link remains even after Snoke’s demise. Over the past two weeks, they still have found themselves being spontaneously connected. Yet, each time the Force has brought them together, she proved determined to ignore his presence, making his thirst for vengeance justified as far as he was concerned.  

However, in his death Kylo cannot lie to himself anymore: she was always more than just a map to him, and after each time they occurred he found himself yearning more and more for their Force bonded connections. Moreover, he can no longer disregard that the night when they had touched hands through the Force had been the most intimate, visceral experience of his entire life.

_You’re not alone._

_Neither are you._

A small part of Kylo wonders if she will feel his death through the Force. An even smaller part hopes she will care.

Tears pool in his eyes, but they remain closed.

Kylo’s thoughts turn to Han Solo. He can almost hear his father’s last words echo in his mind.

_Leave here with me. Come home._

Kylo suddenly wishes that they will meet again in the realm of the spirit worlds.  Instantaneously reality crashes in, as Kylo recalls all of his heinous crimes, patricide including.  How foolish is he to hope he could see anyone in the afterlife? Given his lifetime of villainy, if there is a final judgment to whether he will become one with the Force or rot in eternal damnation, Kylo is confident it will be the latter.

Gripping the box with his hands, he is reminded of Crait. He imagines the box in his hands to be the tiny gold dice he found on the floor of the base. He feels the coldness of the metal cubes in his fingers. Two pieces attached, a father and a son, that then disappeared off into the Force, leaving him with nothing but regret.

His eyes remain closed, as tears stream down his cheeks.

The breeze picks up, the grass and flower petals caress his face and his eyes flutter open, so that he can see the sky one last time.

His last his thoughts went to Leia. Who, at that very moment, and to his astonishment, is now staring down at him.

Leia is wearing a flowy white dress, that covers her petite frame in gauzy silky fabric. Her warm honey-tinged brown eyes gaze down at him with remarkable sorrow. Her brown hair shows streaks of grey and is pulled neatly back in a crown of braids that form a halo around her head. She looks frail.

Kylo thinks she looks like an angel.

Leia kneels down, gently picking up her son’s head and places it upon her knees. She delicately strokes his hair, tears glistening in her tender eyes.

Kylo’s mouth gives the slightest of a crooked smirk as he realizes he will not die alone. She’s here. It occurs to him that, perhaps, he has never been alone. If he wasn’t moments from dying, he would have pondered this and how she was even here, but in this moment, it was just enough to get to see her one last time.

Just her very presence gives him the strength to form words. He needs to say the apology from the day that split his soul: the death of his father. From the moment he escaped the Dreadnought and started this slow march through hyperspace to his death, all of his painful memories and ruminations were always going to lead him to this final vision.

Kylo sees himself standing on the bridge of Starkiller Base, his lightsaber piercing through his father, who, gasping in horror, stumbles back and falls off into oblivion.

That moment has haunted Kylo’s every waking moment and brought nightmares to him every night. He had regretted the act at the very instant he had committed it and knows now that _that_ was the moment his current fate had been sealed.

“I’m sorry-” Kylo sputters.

“I know.” Leia interrupts, her voice gravellier than he remembered.

“Now sleep.” she whispers.

Kylo’s eyes close immediately.

Death did not feel as he had expected. There is much more warmth and light. Definitely not the lonely, cold, darkness he had imagined.

Perhaps eternal damnation isn’t so bad?

In fact, he could almost swear like it feels like he is getting better.

His body no longer feels autonomous. He is breathing with every living thing that breathes life in the galaxy.

_The Force is with me._

Death is actually pretty fucking amazing, he thinks…until it isn't. 

The warmth and the light flicker out. The Force feels as if it is ripped away from his body, leaving an emptiness into the depths of his soul. A ghost of kiss is swept across his forehead and a goodbye echo in his ears.  His mother’s presence is gone, but the goodbye was not in sadness, but in peace and perhaps, purpose? He has little time to process any of this, because Kylo Ren is now alone. 

The excruciating pain returns and Kylo knows that *this* is his death.  It is not at all peaceful and not one-bit purpose-filled.

There is no light.

_This is the death that I deserve._

Kylo feels himself drifting away to eternity. He is detached from the Force. He no longer feels any connection to the galaxy.  Just as he is about to lose himself in the endless abyss of pain, it’s as if he could almost see the dimmest of flames flickering in the horizon of his mind, a beacon through the Force coming right at him. Before the blackness overtakes him, he imagines that he is reaching his hand out to it. He tries to form the word, “Please,” but there are no sounds made by the dead.

 


End file.
